Why do we have to ask for what we need?
Sometimes we may have to ask for others to stop what they are doing and listen to us. Or, perhaps ask for someone to set aside time in the near future so we can talk and be heard. Yikes, really? What does that look like? Why should I have to ask to be listened to? Why can’t people just listen?
Everyone has a lot going on. While we love deeply, it doesn’t always mean we are able to be fully present when someone needs us. With that in mind, others aren’t always going to be able to be 100% available for us either. This means that asking for what we want and need will give us a greater likelihood of getting it.
As you may have already determined, there are some steps to do this effectively. First you may want to explore what you are hoping for when you share your thoughts and feelings with others. People are not, as much as they think they might be, mind readers. So, how do you want them to show up for you? Do you want them to listen and say nothing? Would you prefer that they listen and simply state they have heard you? Or would you like them to listen and reflect back to you what you have shared as well as possibly offer feedback? It is really important to share with folks what you want so there is little room for misunderstanding. If you are not looking for advice, let them know! Expectations breed resentments so if you don’t ask, and you don’t get, you could be disappointed or worse, resentful.
Next, find a time when you can express this with those who are important to you. This means you need to know your own availability and then ask about theirs in order to find a time when you can each be 100% present for one another.
Finally, check in with yourself from time to time to see how this is feeling for you offering yourself grace and love.
Wishing you love as you explore getting your needs met! Hugs!
In solidarity and with love,
